Thursday, September 29, 2011

For the love of... Autumn

Autumn has just recently become my favorite season of the year. Memories of warm crackling wood stoves, carving pumpkins with my sister, feeling of warm socks slipping over cold toes, sounds of my dad and brother lounging around the tv screaming at the top of their lungs for our favorite college football team, fall colors, caramel apples, the smell of moms favorite candle and being around family.



 I have learned so many special things about my family and myself, that I had been letting pass me by for the last few years. I know now... how important my family is, how friends can come and go, but the real ones will stick by your side no matter what happens in your life. I was a college student, at University of Idaho, with all intensions to make the most out of college. 21 years old, and I had life in the palm of my hand, and then one day I found myself sitting on my bathroom floor, holding "the answer" on a plastic stick to what was going to be start to the rest of my life.  I was going to be a mommy... First thoughts that came to my mind was "How could this happen to me... what about school and a career, how my family would take it and regretfully I thought about what others would think. I couldn't imagine myself, being a normal college student, who was just spreading my wings, living on my own in a small farm town... to a mom the next. I went to the doctors to talk about options... but somehow options got so much harder to talk about as time went on. I hadn't told my parents yet, and my heart was starting to hurt from the stress and holding something so important back, from the most important people in my life. I was talking to my mom one day on the phone, and her conversation that she started with was a great transition to tell her what was going on. She could tell something was wrong(best friends always can). She was in total shock, and couldn't believe it. Dad was even worse to tell, I just wanted to run and hide, but it felt so much better after I told them. For the next couple days there was tension, and when I drove home, everything got easier to talk about. The parents started to talk about it more, and became more excited day after day. I decided to keep it. I was carrying a little blessing inside of me. I tell myself everyday now... that "Everything happens for a reason" and that god will never put me through something that I can't handle.  I have never been a religious person, but have always been one who prays. My friend Zach has inspired me to get closer to god on my own time and in my own ways. I thank god everyday for bringing someone like him into my life. 



On Friday September 23, 2011... I saw my little Peanut for the first time. This made it all become real, from that moment on, I realised... it's not about "me" anymore, and why should I care what anyone thinks about me. I will do whatever it takes to make a great life for my child and I. I know I will be a great mother because my parents have set the most amazing example of how every parent should be. They deserve all the credit in the world when it comes to good parenting. Thank you mom and dad for everything you have done. You're the best. You find out who your friends are and that the only ones who will be there to build you back up when everything crashes is your family! This is why Autumn has become the best season of the year for me.